Spiders in her mind..

I got a call from someone associated with a cult which I am also associated with. She called me while I was grocery shopping, wanting to discuss what sort of problems I had with our mutual obsession.

Contrary to the stated principles and earlier culture of said cult, she wanted to use anything I said as an opportunity to preach to me about how wrong I was. She being a member of the cults International management, who had worked with the cults FOUNDER and also works under its current chairman, and she is a member of its elite paramilitary unit that is tasked with perserving the organization and putting ethics in on the planet.

I listened to her and offered not too much in the way of arguement, but honestly told her my concerns. She characterized it as me repeating an enemy line, saying I was parrotting what others had fed me. I felt that perhaps I did still possess the capability of independent thought and that she was being unfairly judgemental.

We ended the conversation with her saying she could not stand to share my universe.

So much for being able to experience anything, and having the abilities our cult promises.

I think she has spiders in her mind...

Porn?

Ian Ironwood posted the below which I have excerpted from his excellent blog;


http://thesexnerd.blogspot.com/2012/01/ian-could-you-go-over-that-thing-about.html


"Here's the question, in response to a dude "manning up" and taking the porn filters off of the computer, apparently placed there at an earlier date by his wife who objected to him watching:"


"Have you figured out why your wife just might object to the porn being readily available? "


"Men do know why a woman would be unhappy with porn: it provides an alternate sexual outlet to her, and reduces her ability to control the sex life within the relationship. With the "competition" from imaginary women, a woman has higher sexual expectations to live up to, a more knowledgeable partner who may desire things outside of her comfort zone, and a medium through which to express his sexuality without her permission."


"Further, you have to understand that to most men, porn is an important expression of their sexuality. Through porn they can maintain a sense of control of their own sexuality, and they can indulge in cultivating sexual variety and developing a fantasy life without straying from their relationship. To most men, porn serves the same function that romance novels, soap operas and "supernatural thrillers" serve for women. "


I agree.  :) Now...to get the balls to follow this advice...


http://thesexnerd.blogspot.com/p/how-to-talk-to-your-girlfriend-or-wife.html


And not be a Beta as described in this...


http://thesexnerd.blogspot.com/2011/11/blue-pill-or-red-pill-two-approaches-to.html

I'm apparently balanced. Try the quiz linked at the bottom.

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (4) Right Brain Dominance: (4) Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

Tuning chakras..

I saw David Miscavige yesterday...

I saw David Miscavige yesterday, he had a really bad dye job on his hair. It looked so fake. Externally fake as he seemed as a human being inside. Not that I have met the man, but reading of his deeds has given me the impression that he is disconnected from the lives of the majority of this planet.

His girlfriend/personal assistant Laurise was there too. Also with a bad dye job. Hers was an attempt at jet black, that seemed synthetic, just a hint of blue that never really happens in natural hair in natural light. She made her appearance a few minutes before him, sat in their side by side seats, and smiled demurely when recognized by those who know.

Later I stood next to the matched black chevy SUV's with blacked out windows and obvious mercs inside, till I was noticed.

I noticed when he speaks that it hurts to listen to the senseless strings of words that he so well practicedly speaks. I noticed that as a being he was as hard as some metal a UFO may be made of. He comes across as something so manufactured, so deliberate, as to be not real.

The crowd adored him and were so excited to see him, whoops and hollers to his faux shy dips of the head in recognition to the adulation.

Later he disappeared into the building to be separated off from the common attendees behind velvet ropes and dedicated sea org minions, where he deigned to be photographed with the VIPs, the big donors, and their families.

I wonder if the kids, still innocent in the ways of pretending, or of self delusion, saw him as he is? Or did they follow their parents lead and gush and fawn?

I had a knife in my pocket. There to clean my fingernails, but reminding me to be careful around his security, some obvious, some not so. Wouldn't want the wrong idea to take fire.

I didn't carry out my fantasy, to call out in a lull in his spiel, "WHERE'S SHELLY? WHERE'S HEBER?" I would have been lynched. Or at least spoiled the day for people I have sympathy for. They were well protected, these scientologists, these experts at communication. Eight foot tall fences kept the public from viewing the event, or from saying something that was too gruesome to receive as communication. Scientology kills! Or L Ron Hubbard lies!

Irony in the extreme, how protected, or excluded scientologists need to be, when they think they are the only ones who can save the planet. Save it from What? Themselves? Or more at save it for themselves. And discard, without sorrow, the undeserving who do not recognize the gift offered by by scientology and thus don't deserve it, or consideration as fellow humans, or at least being heard as such.

I wonder if there will be repercussions for writing this? I wish that those who will be hurt by it and shun me for it, could understand how I came to think and feel this way, when I have been as much a true believer as them.

I wonder if I am 1.1 for having gone, with all my thoughts about things being wrong in the church? I was certainly covert, clapping in the right moments, smiling and making conversation..I didn't feel false, or really even hostile. I like the people, like the goals, like the concepts. I had to see for myself though, who Miscavige is, and where the church stands.

It now has very nice quarters, but did it lose its soul?

David, call me, I'll buy us some mexican food and a few beers and we'll talk openly, if you can confront it. First thing I'd ask though is, where is your wife.